I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
