Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
