why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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