and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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