I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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