I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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