Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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