Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
