please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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