oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
