She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
