apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
