Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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