there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
