Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
