Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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