Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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