And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize