i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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