thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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