I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
