i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
