I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
