Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
