you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
