i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
