I want to make a zoo with you.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
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