He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
