Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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