i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
