So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
