I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
