i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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