sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
