I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
