Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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