is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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