I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
