drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I think I am morally bankrupt
i just sent this text using only my big toe
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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