im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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