all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
