Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
