I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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