i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
PANTIES FOUND
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
