I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
