i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
