walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize