i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
