do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You're a waste of cheezeits
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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