I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I enjoy the company of your penis
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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