You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
