I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
