I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
