youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
