I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
