Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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