I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
