you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
You left your phone here
Wait...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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