Dual....:-)
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
