just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
