That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
