well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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