first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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