is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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