do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
