what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
