Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
